I’m feeling pretty beat up these days.
The combination of a body growing older and more feeble-y by virtue of time and the verbal calesthenics of the past few days since my mother’s death has left me tired, cranky, listless, and mopey.
Tired and cranky.
Listless and mopey.
Just trying to make it through the day.
At least I know it isn’t only me that feels this way.
Flossie Lewis, 91 years old, says this:
Just liking someone is a treat because part of being old is to get cranky. There is indigestion and your teeth fall out and suddenly you need hearing aides and you feel increasingly unattractive, and then somebody says, “How nice you look today, Mrs. Lewis! Or, you’re a real kick, Flossie!”
And you feel good about yourself. You pick yourself up and you say, “I’m going to get through it. I’m going to get through it because I have a reason to get through it.”
Of course, the real reason for “getting through it” is always inside us, but without the external support system of friends and family we’ve become accustomed to during our lives, it becomes challenging to keep it together each day, to wake up in the morning with a smile (or least, without a scowl), to eat something healthy, to get some fresh air. Feeling left behind is something that happens to a lot of us as we get older. I don’t think there’s anything that prepares us for it, either. It’s a horrible feeling and I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit. It’s one of those “facts of life” that I just plain don’t like. Here, let me throw myself on the floor and have a temper tantrum. That’ll fix it, won’t it?
…and then I get a message or a call from someone who still wants me to be a part of their life or someone brings me flowers, and just like Flossie says, I know I can make it through. I know everything will be all right.
I’m still feeling bashed up and tired but I do know I’m going to make it through.
I really do know it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I’m not sure that putting this “old and tired and cranky stuff” out there is the brightest thing I’ve ever done but since this blog is my stream of consciousness, this is what’s going through my stream right now.
“Old” – being old, getting old, just plain old – is really more than just one thing; it’s having an old body or old mind or old spirit. Our bodies age and get old; it’s part of being human on this planet. Our minds and spirits don’t need to be as old as our bodies but sometimes it’s hard to separate the physical from the mental. That’s the part that’s so challenging when we’ve been left behind, when our lives take unexpected turns, when we’re suddenly (or not so suddenly) left on our own without our regular crowd of friends and family around us.
All I want – all any of us ever want – is to be accepted for where I am right now… feeling old and tired and cranky. Maybe someone else can relate and we can be tired and cranky together. And maybe together, we can try to make the day a little brighter somehow. Thank you, my dear readers, for being a part of my life. If there’s anything I can do to help you feel less tired, cranky, and beat up, I’m here for you, as I know you’re here for me.
15 thoughts on “Getting Old is Not for Sissies”
Yes, I can identify. Almost 2 weeks out of major surgery, can only “drink” and not feeling as good as I did the day or 2 after surgery, but I know with time, I will heal and be able to eat again one day! I am with you!!
I’ve always been inspired by you, Lorna. No matter what you’re going through, you see the cheery side of things. Having Charlie there is no doubt a help because he’s also a cheery type and with the two of you together, “cranky” doesn’t stand a chance 😀 Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! Hugs to you and speedy healing ♡
Thanks Lois for both your comment and your cheery phone call! My prayers are with you tomorrow!
Hugs to you!
Yes, you will be able to eat-most likely- like you used to, it just takes time, more time to heal than when we were young chickens, just need to be patient, kick back, give time for your body to heal. Hang in there !!
One day at a time. Step-by-step 🙂 Love you !
Onward and upward! Thank you! Love you, too ♡
I hate that saying “you’re only as old as you feel”……really? Some days I feel 104 and some days 14 instead of 54. But what is 54 supposed to feel like or think like or act like? I don’t know so I just do my best.
But when things collide as they have in your world resiliency and optimism are hard to find because it takes so much energy some days to just breath.
I just remember my friend Lois sitting in the sun, laughing and sharing stories and it warms my heart to know she’s in my world.
Many of us are long distances from you so we don’t know when you need a “pick me up” so don’t hesitate to give a FB message, email or phone call and just say “I need a chat today”. In fact I’d LOVE a Skype date with you!!!!!
Know you are in my thoughts and just make each day count! HUGS XOXOXO
I so agree, Kathy! Some days I feel really old and other days I feel really young. What I do know, finally, is that whatever I’m feeling on any given day won’t last. I’m grateful I have more “up” days than “down” days and that more days are happy ones than sad ones. I think that’s the best I can hope for, especially right now. You understand exactly what I’m talking about in your second paragraph. Some days it just takes all my energy to breathe.
I will add you to my “who to call” list! A SKYPE date would be great… when I get back from Grants Pass, we’ll see what we can come up with. Thank you so much for your words, Kathy. You are very special to me and I cherish our in-person-times. In fact, coming up next month is the anniversary of the amazing day we spent in the Gorge wine-tasting – with Dinah in her beautiful flowered box. I will always remember that day with great fondness. Cheers! Big hugs to you ♡
Thanks for being there and being real as always, Lois! That was such a beautiful photo of the uphill stairs, it made me think, “that would be a great place to just sit down and contemplate .” Often when I get cranky I think it’s largely because I’m suffering from assuming that my own, or others, ideas of what I should be doing/feeling/accomplishing are the only reality. If it feels too uphill maybe I just need to sit still… this is my current project, remembering to actually practice this in the moment. So thanks for the reminder! Love you lots!!!
Hi Silvianne! Those stairs are the ones I walked up yesterday – 42 of them – without stopping and without dying! I spent a couple hours out at Champoeg State Park, which is near where I’m staying here in Oregon, and walked and soaked in Mother Nature and just breathed. It was the bandaid I needed for the moment; although I’m still exhausted and tired, I’m not as cranky as I was when I wrote this blog post. I’m working on staying present in the moment for at least the next few days as I honor my mother’s presence in my life, being in my own reality even though her’s was so different than mine. I’m grateful for the chance to close the last chapter in this book. Thank you for the reminder that others’ ideas are not necessarily my reality 😀 Life goes on! Love to you and Layla ♡
The idea of getting old is just that. One day we can feel like we are so old that we can hardly move on, then the next day we feel like “wow” what a great day. It’s great because I woke up and checked everything out, and all is working as best as it can, and I can see the sun, moon and sky for real. It is not an illusion and I am not out of this “world” yet! As hard as it is my friend, cherish every moment that you can, do the best that you can one day at a time, and know that you have many many friends out there that love you and that are always there for you. Looking forward to seeing you in the near future!
Upright and vertical. That’s what I call it when I wake up in the morning and get out of bed. Even on days like today, when I haven’t slept more than 3 winks in a row during the night, when the blankies are all smushed all over the place, when my wrist is screaming at me, when everything in me just wants to turn back over, see that morning hasn’t really arrived yet and go back to sleep or what appears to be sleep, I still say upright and vertical is a good thing. And some days, that’s all there is. All of it.
I’m really looking forward to seeing you all, too. And seeing some sun! Dang it! It’s summer! Why do we have grey skies today and rain forecasted for next week! Ack!
See you soon, my friend.
yes, dear one. it happens just as they say it would. I usually try to write in answer to you about you. but this time i hope its ok to add some of my insight too.
When I lost my mom 2 years ago, i just was so surprised at some of the stages I went through, and i guess still am.
While I loved my mom fiercly, we sometimes had unspoken conflicts over the years. she never knew many of my feelings. I swing back and forth…grief overwhelms my heart at times, it came along alot after she first left planet earth. sometimes I would think of ways that Ive been hurt by her over the years…those kind of memories have been replaced now, a couple of years later, with understanding and love. Now I find since she left, I have never been more aware of my mortality. How just 6 years ago, I could run, jump and get on a horse. today, no…I cant. I have tweeks and pains, i need a new knee…i have to sleep with a stinkin’ Bi-Pap every night. Which limits me just throwing some stuff in the car for a couple of days get away. I too feel trapped some times. I love my hubby, but sometimes I wish I could just leave. for a day. for a week. for a couple of hours!
I wish I could go walk on the beach by myself, but really its not safe unless I have someone with me.
At least as we get old, cranky and just plain pissy…we know we have each other to lean on. We are not alone. You are not alone.
love you my friend.
Thank you for your kind words, Debbie. While your and my relationship with our mothers differs greatly, the common area is that they birthed us. For that I’m thankful. In so many ways, I’m thankful and will always be thankful to her for my birth. Be well, my friend ♡
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