My mind has not been on writing for a couple of months now. At least, not on writing blog posts. Instead, I’ve written pages and pages in a document on my laptop that’s called “The Story of Dinah” – I’ve just continued to add to it every time something pops into my head that relates to Dinah. I have fifteen pages so far.
As I’ve considered getting back to my blog and back to writing down my thoughts, I've found myself up against a wall that seems impermeable. Permanent. Solid. Concrete blocks. No way over, around, through, under. I’ve settled in with those thoughts, realizing that whatever that is all about in my head, in my heart, in my spirit, is important to the process and it calls out to be settled in to. It shouts out to be settled in to. It fairly screams.
I know my fingers have itched, ached, longed to start tapping away at the laptop’s keys again but the thoughts have not formed into anything that’s coherent enough to make its way from brain to fingers. So I’ve let it be and I’ve become comfortable with it. It’s my L.A.D. My Life After Dinah. My life. Without my girl.
So, the other day, the thought of just easing back into my blog-writing popped up in my head. Just easing. Back. In. A little bit at a time. Nothing serious. Nothing coherent. Nothing relative. It’s indeed time to begin the process of making some sense out of my LAD. So here goes.
To begin this easing back in thing, I must first acknowledge all those who have supported me since the end of July when Dinah’s health began to fail. It happened so quickly, I could hardly catch my breath at the time. I’ve breathed and breathed… and breathed some more since those long days and longer nights and now, with time and space, however very small it seems, I have begun to breathe a little slower, a little more deeply.
A big, huge, heartfelt “Thank You” to all the people… who took me out for gelato; who offered me a place to stay for a night or two (or more), a place to find a little solace during an unsettling time for me; who called me, and who left messages when I didn’t, couldn’t answer the phone; who sent me poems and pictures and cards; who took me out to dinner and then paid for it; who allowed me to just sit in the passenger seat while they drove to do their errands; who called and asked if I would dog/cat/house sit when they knew I needed a fur-body to pet; who brought me flowers; who left me messages on Facebook; who sent me emails; who just sat with me; who told me stories of what Dinah meant to them; who checked in with me; who prayed; who sent messages by spirit; who met me for lunch; who listened to me talk; who allowed me to cry; who shared with me their stories of the precious furry folk who now share or have shared their lives; who invited me out for a day of adventure and then hugged me when I cried because something reminded me of my girl; who smiled when they realized the flowered box sitting on the table contained Dinah’s body as she is now; who, with grace and patience, allowed me to process this latest story-addition to my life here on Planet Earth.
And here I also include my blog-followers who have been more patient than I could ever express – thank you!!
So much kindness and goodness in the hearts of my friends and family. I’m sure I’m missing someone – please know that in my heart and soul, I’m grateful to you all.
And now onward and upward!
Hugs from me,