My brain seems to be dead these days.
As in, it doesn’t want to think. Or consider. Or analyze. Or process.
It feels like it’s dead. I do things by remote control. I get up in the morning. I feed the dog. I put water on for coffee. I go to the bathroom. I let the dog out to do her thing. I pour the water into the French press. I drink it.
By the time I’ve been up out of bed for 2 hours, I’m bored. Or rather my brain is. There’s nothing left to do, no place left to go. I am brain-dead.
Not brain-dead in the same way as my little brother was for 3 days after over-dosing on alcohol, cocaine and heroin. He was never going to recover from that situation. I’m simply brain-dead in that my brain doesn’t want to work.
Is it because I am doing stuff I don’t want to do? With money that I don’t have? With people I don’t want to do it with? Possibly. And why is that? What is it that’s keeping me here? Doing things I don’t want to do with people I don’t want to do it with? What the hell?
Yes. What the hell…..