Ok, so the reality of living in a little ten foot trailer is beginning to hit home. Funny thing is, I’ve been living in a 19-footer for almost three years now and going from 3-bedrooms/2-baths to a 19-foot travel trailer didn’t seem as much of a stretch as this does. Back then, when I was leaving the 3bd/2ba, I just threw the vast majority of my belongings, right down to the kitchen canisters complete with flour and sugar still in them, out on the front lawn, and posted an ad in the FREE section of craigslist. People came and took what they needed. It was all gone in a day or two except for a couple of items that I had to keep posting just to get them to go away! But eventually it was all gone and I moved on.
I think that, at the time of the foreclosure, I was so mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally drained that I really didn’t have anything left to consider just what was happening. I was fried. My brain was dead. I was beat up, and not recovering well. The foreclosure was just the last bully to beat on me – there had been so many bullies before it in such a short amount of time, that I had no resources left to fight or understand or even to consider what was happening. Each day was just for that day; I wasn’t able to think beyond that day or even about that same day. I was actually ready to leave and not be a part of Planet Earth anymore. I kind of hoped that each day would be my last. It’s not that I lost hope; it was that hope no longer even existed.
But each day dawned, and each day I woke up, and each day I ate food, and each day I went to bed, and each day I woke up, and each day, the process started all over again. Time blurred into nothingness.
Eventually, over a period of many days, weeks, and months, my brain fog began to clear, my physical body began to feel better, my spirit began to arise, and then one day, I found myself the proud owner of a 47-year-old, 10-foot travel trailer that I intended to live in with my old dog and cat. Wow.
Somewhere in all of this is a little guy that keeps saying to me, “What the hell are you thinking?” And I keep answering back, “That’s just it; I’m NOT thinking! I’m just doing! I’m just being! I just am!”
And so it is… I just am.