Maybe even two lifetimes. I don't rightly know.
I've lost track of the days; they all run together.
Seems like every time I do something for the first time without Dinah Dog, like eating crackers by myself or sweeping the dog hair out of the trailer, I get all empotional – my heart feels like it's breaking, my throat closes up, my gut hurts, and I choke up with tears. But I keep moving forward, keep doing whatever it is, keep my eyes facing ahead, no matter how much it hurts emotionally. I'm not going to deny the feelings; I want to move past them, not ignore them.
I’ve now finished taking all the “Dinah” stuff back to the stores: the bags of unopened dog food I had just bought; the year’s worth of her thyroid medication I just got in June; the monthly flea and tick stuff I had just purchased because it was on sale. I’ve given away the stuff I couldn’t return, like the worm medication I couldn’t find the receipt for and the fresh eggs, cartons of cottage cheese, and chicken thighs I had bought to make her special food that she never got a chance to eat. Copper Kitty and Fred Cat are now the happy new owners of her beds, both the old one and the new one, stacked on top of each other to make a nice, comfy kitty bed. They look happy, don't you think?
I've also picked up the pretty flowered box with her ashes.
I know that big girl's right here, right beside me, watching every step, wagging her tail, nodding her head, moving along right next to me. And guess what, I've discovered something else – now that she’s unlocked from her dog body, she can go places with me that she couldn’t go before – no dogs allowed, you know. I can take her into stores and restaurants, coffee shops and libraries, and she just sits there looking all flowery pretty.
I take her everywhere with me. Well, maybe not everywhere, but for now, she does get to go to lots of places with me.
I’ve tied up all the loose ends I can possibly find; at least, the ones I've found in the past three weeks. I’m doing what I can to move forward into L.A.D. (Life After Dinah). I wish I could say each day is a little easier but I’m not quite there yet; some days are better than others. The sky looks a little brighter than it did yesterday and that’s good enough for me right now.
So. Nothing to it but to do it.
I think Dinah would approve.